


Castiel and Dean

by barjy02



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive Naomi (Supernatural), Bisexual Dean Winchester, DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Friendship/Love, Gay Castiel (Supernatural), John Winchester Redemption, Love, M/M, Rejection, Sadness, School, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:35:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26088040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barjy02/pseuds/barjy02
Summary: UA Destiel. Schoolfic.When Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak met for the first time, they're 5 years old. From this meeting was born a beautiful friendship and maybe even more... But life is not always easy...
Relationships: Cassie Robinson/Dean Winchester, Castiel & Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Ellen Harvelle/Bobby Singer, Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester
Comments: 19
Kudos: 50





	1. Pre-school

When they first met, Castiel had just turned five.

His mother, the austere Naomi Novak, came to drop him off, like a bulky parcel, in front of the school gates, refusing to accompany him any further. She thinks that he's old enough to take care of himself.

Dressed in a small dark gray trench coat, linen pants and a white shirt, Castiel looks like a little man that he is not.  
He stands there for several minutes without anyone seeming to care to see a child as tall as three apples abandoned in front of a closed door.

An hour later, Karen, his kindergarten teacher, arrives and finds him chilled to the bone. At his feet, a small bag containing his toast box and his milk carton. He hasn't moved an inch since his mother left.  
Because in the Novak family, we obey.

Karen introduces herself before taking him to her class. He follows her, silent. She makes him sit down and promises to return soon.  
Castiel crosses his hands on his thighs and waits, docile.  
Karen is back, as promised, and puts a mug with Winnie's face in front of him. He takes a long look at the contents of the mug before raising his huge blue eyes at her. He tilts his head to the side, perplexed.  
Castiel never drank hot chocolate.  
In the morning, it's a glass of milk and a jam toast. Nothing else. Nothing more.

Karen sees fear on his gentle face. She's read his file. She knows he doesn't have any allergies. She encourages him with a vague hand movement to drink his chocolate.  
Timidly, he grabs the handle, the fingers of his free hand clenched on the fabric of his trousers. Karen's smile reassures him.

She waits calmly as the door opens on the first parents and students. Castiel gently straightens his chin and offers him a slight smile surrounded by a brown moustache.  
He says, "Thank you, ma'am," as he puts the cup down and stands up.  
She wipes his mouth with the tip of her thumb and lets him walk away.

He goes to the back of the classroom near the toy's boxe, takes off his raincoat and puts it on the back of his chair. Karen keeps her eyes on him while she greets her noisy students.  
"Good morning, ma'am"  
"Hello, Dean," she says with a sparkle in his eye.

Castiel's staring at a stain on the table.  
He's startled when chair legs creak to his right. He turns around. Facing him is a boy, about the same age as him, staring at him with curiosity. His face is studded with freckles and his green eyes sparkle with mischief.

" Hello." He sits down and says : "Are you new ? "  
Castiel just nods.  
"Cool... My name's Dean Winchester. My daddy's the best mechanic in town, and my mommy makes the best apple pie in the whole world. ", reaching out his hand.  
Castiel hesitates and then slowly raises his, which Dean quickly squeezes.  
"Who are you ? "  
"My name is Castiel Novak," articulating every word. "My father's a pastor and my mother's an executive secretary. " in a tone that feels like a memorized lesson.  
"It's a funny name," seriously.  
"It's the name of an angel," he mumbles, sheepishly.  
"Classy," Dean is amazed "If you want, we can be friends ? " he offers him by finally releasing his hand.  
Castiel nods and offers him that smile that he'll never have for anyone but him. When the bell rings, Dean and Castiel are no longer friends.

With his arms around his shoulders, Dean introduces him to his mother, Mary Winchester, as his best friend for life.  
Naomi arrives 45 minutes later, her black suit, bun tight and face closed.  
She orders her son to follow her with a wave of his chin.  
He gets into the back seat of the Mercedes, fasten his seatbelt and watches the landscape unfold.  
Lawrence looks nothing like Detroit, but that's okay. Castiel smiles at his reflection.  
He's got a best friend for life.

end chapter 1


	2. Elementary school

The Mercedes stops in front of the school. The back door opens and Castiel gets out.  
As soon as he closes the door, his mother restart the car, leaving him alone on the sidewalk. He watches her walk away, his schoolbag in his hand.  
"Hey, Cass," says a cheerful voice behind him.  
"Hello, Dean," he answers as he turns around.

Dean smiles and immediately grabs his hand and drags him to the courtyard where the others are waiting for them, sheltered from the wind and the dreariness.  
Dean has lots of friends.  
His swaggering smile, his streetwise humour and his child star physique have made him popular. Only Castiel knows that behind this mask of a joker lies the fear of abandonment and the need to exist in the eyes of others, if not in the eyes of his father.  
Since Mary's death a few years earlier, John is hardly present for his children.  
Dean claims he's working too hard. Castiel knows the truth, but keeps quiet. Dean knows he knows, but acts like nothing's wrong.  
His friend is unable to lie, and Dean doesn't want to see his fragile illusions broken.

Tomorrow, Dean will be eight years old and his father has promised to be at the birthday party that Bobby and his wife, Ellen, made for him.  
He's invited all his classmates and Jo, her neighbor.  
Castiel likes her, but can't stop the blue of his eyes from storming when she gets too close to Dean. Too many times.

The ringing makes them all scatter. Only Ash and Castiel stay by Dean's side. They've shared the same class since first grade.  
Corridors are filled with snow boots on carpets. Most students take class in socks.  
Dean's socks are black and white. Castiel's are sky blue. Under the desk, their feet stick together, naturally.  
Since his mother died, Dean doesn't like unauthorized invasion of his personal space.  
Castiel is his only exception. Anyway, since the notion was completely abstract to his friend, Dean didn't really have a choice.

It's sunday.  
All his friends are here except Castiel.  
Early this afternoon, the Mercedes drops him off at the Winchester house.  
He holds his precious treasure close to him. His mother may abandon him in front of closed gates, but she doesn't allow him to go out alone. He had to ask his brother, Gabriel, to go and buy his friend's gift for him in exchange for a few dollars of sweets.  
Sweets are forbidden at the Novak house and the gift Castiel is about to give to his friend is forbidden at home.

Bobby greets Castiel with a big grumpy smile.  
"Hello, Mr. Singer. " he says  
"What'd I tell you already, little man? " he grunts.  
He tousled Castiel's rebellious hair and let him in.  
He doesn't take two steps for Dean to pop into the room.  
"Cass, we've been waiting for you to break the pinata. " Dean rushes him.  
"Hello, Dean," with that smile his friend never tires of. "Happy Birthday," handing him his present.  
"Come ... Put it there," Dean indicates the small console at the entrance. "We'll open them when my father arrives. ", grabbing his friend by the sleeve of his trench coat.  
Castiel meets Bobby's worried and apprehensive face. He lets himself be carried away by Dean without taking his eyes off the old man.  
Bobby tries to reassure him with a small grin in his beard that only increases his fears.  
Castiel has always been able to read silences.

All the guests are in the garden, bundled up in their coats to escape the bite of the icy January wind.  
It is with laughters, guidances and encouragements that Dean, blindfolded, tries to break the papier-mâché donkey with a broomstick.  
When after several minutes he succeeds, dozens of children rush to the candy that cascades to the ground.  
Dean tears off his blindfold and rushes out to try and save what can be saved.

Castiel, for his part, hasn't moved, but he laughs and enjoys watching them squabble. He's been laughing more and more since he met the Winchesters. Everything's so different here. Everything is so far from his rigid world.

Then, suddenly, the sound of an engine that Dean immediately recognizes echoes the childish laughter. He jumps up, his cheeks turned pink by the cold.  
He glances at Bobby, whose eyebrows have frowned under the visor of his cap.  
The engine has been running for several seconds. The laughter fades away, little by little.

"Stay there," Bobby orders. "Ellen, untie the pinata. The legs are still full of candy. ", rekindling the excitement among the young guests.  
Only Dean remained silent. Castiel approaches, but Jo beats him to it. He stops, shyly. But Dean pushes Jo away, a little dry, hurting her friend who goes back to the others, head down.  
His green orbs look after his friend's blue.

The living room door opens on a John fairly drunk, welcomed by a Bobby struggling to keep his calm.  
" You're drunk ? ", he say, coldly.  
"I am ... here ... as promised ... It's the birthday of ... my kid," John babbles. "And I'm not ... drunk. ", staggering forward.  
Bobby stands in his way.  
"There's no way you're going to show up like that in front of his classmates," Bobby blocks the way.  
"I... I want to see my... son... I have a gift for him... ", he mumbles, rummaging, clumsy, through his leather jacket pocket. " Get out of my way! First, I'm at... at home here. ", he tries to push Bobby away, in vain.  
"Go upstairs and sober up in your room... you'll give it to him when you're well enough to do so. ", the old man says, indicating the stairway to the first floor.  
"Dean, son," as his gaze passes over Bobby's shoulder.

His son stands near the kitchen doorway, with Castiel to his right and his damn blue eyes that seem to pierce John's soul.  
"You promised," Dean whistles.  
"And I kept my... promise, son," he answers, pushing Bobby away, and this time he's keeping it. "Happy... birthday," he babbles, literally collapsing at his feet. "I have... I have something for you. ", as he reached into his pocket again.  
Castiel brushes against his friend's hand, who immediately takes it into his own. John sees it, sniffs disdain, but refrains from comment.  
"Here," grabbing his son's free hand and slipping a ring into it. "It was... your mother's... it's a little damaged... the fire...", suddenly seeming sobered by these memories so vivid in his mind.  
"John? " Bobby scolds.  
"Thank you," Dean replies, tears in his eyes, between anger and grief.  
John tries to pat him on the shoulder but, too drunk, he loses his balance and almost takes his son down with him.  
Castiel pulls his friend towards him. John finds himself on all fours, between laughter and hiccups.  
Bobby exhales noisily before grabbing him by the collar to straighten him up.  
"Go back to your friends, kid," he says, taking John with him as he jabbered inaudible words. "They're waiting for you to open them," pointing the coffee table in the living room full of presents.

Dean watches as the two men climb the stairs. Between a John who apologizes and a Bobby who rebuffs him.  
He wipes angrily the tears running down his cheeks.  
"Dean? " Castiel asks.  
Dean doesn't answer and releases his hand.

Once the door is closed on the last guest, Dean thanks Bobby and Ellen and tells them he doesn't want to celebrate his birthday anymore.

EVER AGAIN.

He puts his mother's ring, deformed by the fire, into his bedside table drawer. Kisses his little brother as he sleeps in his caged bed.  
Then he goes back down into the living room. Bobby and Ellen tidied up before they go back home. All that's left are the unwrapped presents with fake smiles and linting hearts.  
Suddenly he sees that one left, abandoned on the hall table.  
Castiel's...

Dean sits on the edge of his bed and opens it.  
Batman, the ultimate opus of the last bow, in a collector's edition and hardback. Dean caresses the cover with veneration.  
His gaze wanders over the bedside table drawer. On the images of his dead drunk father and on this little hand that holds his.  
Alone, safe from everyone, Dean hides his tears in his pillow.

End part II


	3. Middle school

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and for your kuddos...  
> hope you gonna like this new chapter

Dean's 12. Charming, funny guy, a bit cunning, with a desarming smile. Contrary to what his attitude might suggest, Dean is a good student.  
It's a promise he made to his father when John decided to get his life back together a few days after the disaster of the last birthday of his eldest.  
John doesn't drink anymore, but he's no more present or chatty.  
However, he and Dean share a common passion that keeps what remains of their bond alive: mechanics.  
Dean spends his Saturday afternoons in the garage, hands in grease and sludge. These are the only times he awakes some pride in his father's dead eyes.  
These are the moments that he searches for every day with blind stubbornness.

Once Dean crosses the threshold of the family home, he loses some of that innocence found in the school benches. He becomes again the responsible adult he shouldn't be at this age. Since Bobby and Ellen moved to the next town, he's the only one looking after his youngest brother. Nine-year-old Sam, his pride and joy.  
Dean helps him with his homework and makes dinner while the youngest takes a shower. They eat watching an episode of The Simpsons or Batman. Maybe Sam will get a chance to say goodnight to his father before he goes to sleep.  
But if Sam has finally come to his senses, his eldest hasn't, and Dean's still hoping for his hero to return. He who is the real hero in the eyes of his younger brother.

Castiel's almost 13. Although socially awkward, he's made a place for himself among Dean's friends. It's a tighter circle than it was in elementary school, but their loyalty is unfailing. At least with regard to these young teenagers who are still looking for a place in the adult world.  
The blue of Castiel's eyes has lost some of its naivety. Gabriel, his brother, slammed the door of the family home a few months earlier and Castiel hasn't heard from him again. He feels it as an abandonment  
All this awakened his doubts and his questioning. Castiel feels trapped in his own body trying to control his desires and emotions.  
An impassive face that hides poorly his malaise.  
He's an abomination.

He and Dean are no longer in the same class, but have made sure to choose the same complementary class. Castiel took mechanics and Dean took astronomy. Choices that made their friends laugh at the time.  
They shared their meals, their breaks and their silences.  
At the end of school, they wait for Sam and three of them go home. Naomi no longer takes the time to drop off or pick up her son. As for the Winchester kids, they have long since learned to care of themselves.  
On the few occasions, Castiel sees John. This one is affable and polite but remains distant and suspicious. John is still trying to understand why the members of a family as strict and fundamentalist as the Novaks would tolerate their youngest son being friends with the son of a widowed, alcoholic and agnostic mechanic.

It is at the 8th grade that Dean introduces his official girlfriend, Cassie Robinson to his friends.  
It was at 8th grade that Castiel met Meg Masters.

Friends drift apart, lose sight of each other a little. Dean is so get into the rut of his brand new happiness that he doesn't see Castiel getting more and more lost in his dark thoughts every day.

All that time, Meg remains faithful to her unicorn. Yet she knows Clarence will never be his. She knows the nature of his doubts and torments. She knows who his unicorn is, even though this one refuses to see the obviousness, hanging around a Cassie who has become the only person allowed to break his personal space.  
Cassie who spends those Sundays at Dean's house while Castiel is forced to spend his between cold family reunion. Jealousy eats up, but he remains impassive.

But Dean doesn't break all ties with his best friend for life. They continue to study together several evenings a week, sharing their breaks and silences, even if these are heavier than yesterday's.  
The hands that knot and the socks that touch each other are now only distant memories.  
A few hands on the shoulder and friendly pats on the back have become the only contact Dean allows himself.  
There is a distrust in these harmless gestures.

Castiel just turned 14.  
When he arrives at school that day, Dean knows something bad must have happened.  
His friend's face was tense and the blue veiled.

"Cass, buddy ? " he inquired immediately.  
"Hello, Dean," he answers in that hoarse, low voice that became his.  
"You looks like shit ! ", trying to play down a situation he doesn't know the ins and outs yet.  
"I... disobeyed.", fists clenched in the pockets of his trench coat.  
"Cass," in a dull voice.  
Because Dean knows what it means. This isn't the first time this year he's had to take care of his friend, even though Castiel's tried unsuccessfully to hide it from him. Meg hasn't wanted to. She knows that only Dean can help him.

"Come on ."Dean ordered him, turning his back on the school gates.  
Castiel freezes.  
"Okay... stay there... I'm coming back. " , Dean resigned.

Castiel sees him go away and joins one of the supervisors standing in the middle of the courtyard.  
He sees the man turn toward him and nods. He takes a notebook out of his pocket and scribbles down a few words, rips out the page and hands it to Dean.

Cassie watches the little-game from the playground. A few weeks ago, she ended their relationship.  
She regrets it. Dean is her first love and she is his, but they are less and less there for each other.  
She spends all her free time dancing. Dean, on the other hand, spends more and more of his time helping his father in the garage. The few time he has left is dedicated to his younger brother, even though Sam doesn't really need him anymore. But necessity has no law.  
Dean, this brother, this hero, his little brother's pride and joy...

Dean runs to the band near the old oak tree. Hugs, pats on the shoulders and Dean leaves them and joins Castiel.

"We're going home. " he stabs the supervisor's permission slip right under his nose.  
"Dean," which sounds like a - you shouldn't have -.  
"Shut up, Cass," pulling on his hand.

Gabriel reconnected with his brother. They're speaking on messager. Naomi found out and read their chats.  
Castiel's doubts. The misguided and perverted advice of Gabriel.  
Furious, she threatened his son to go in the depths of the earth, to burn in hell. To disgrace his family, to shame his father.  
To bring shame on them in the eyes of the community if this comes to known.

Penance and sermons.  
Castiel no longer knows what to think or be. As always, he accepts punishment. Hopes it will set him straight.

But Dean's delicate hands healing his back, bruised by the swift, only reinforces what has become a certainty for him: his homosexuality.  
Sitting astride the bathroom chair, chin pressed against his forearms, he holds his breath and refuses to cross his friend's gaze in the mirror in front of them.  
He doesn't want him to see.  
Because Castiel doesn't know how to silence the unspoken words that cross his orbs.

.  
end of chapter III  
.


	4. High School: Sophomore year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you for reading this story, your kuddos and bookmark  
> Love you

A new member was added to their small group after Ash, Charlie, Garth, Kevin and Meg. His name is Benny Lafitte, a native of New Orleans, fresh out of Dean's class.  
He's bisexual and he's not ashamed of it. From the very first days, he doesn't hide his interest in his green-eyed classmate. Dean was quick to gently dismiss his advances by pointing out that he doesn't play that game. Benny seemed surprised, but was not offended. He burst out laughing as he raised his hands in surrender.  
Since then, he hasn't stopped trying to make Castiel fly off the handle to reveal himself, Because at first glance Benny knew. But Castiel refuses to give in and stays imperturbable, at least that's what he uggests.

Until the day Dean introduces them to Lisa Braeden. Meg exchanges a furtive glance with Benny before turning to Castiel. straight as a ramrod, hands perpetually stuck in the pockets of his trench-coat, no need to be a fortune-teller to guess the nature of the shadow in his face.

With his head down, Benny smiles under his cap while uprooting the weeds growing between the slabs of the courtyard with the tips of his shoes.  
All leave after the customary greetings, "welcome" and other such platitudes. Meg, with a tap on Benny's biceps, gives her consent.  
He stays next to Castiel who hasn't said a word the whole break, except a muffled hello to this Lisa who didn't seem to take any offence.

"With more balls, you could have been in her place," Benny swings in his usual nonchalance.  
"Shut up," Castiel scolded, fists clenched.  
"I'll admit he's got good taste... she's damn pretty and nice, too. " he adds, mockingly.  
"I told you to keep your mouth shut," Castiel warns him in a too low voice.  
"Or what ? ", Benny replies facing him. " Or what, Cassy ? " he insists angrily.  
"Get out of my way. ", trying to get around him.  
"No way," Benny answers, putting his hand flat on his chest to stop him from moving forward. "Not now that I've managed to shake this beautiful mask," raising his hand to caress Castiel's cheek with his fingertips. "If you want, I can show you what this fool is missing. ", he whispers, lustfully, in the hollow of Castiel's ear. "You're worth a thousand times this Lisa. ", kissing the back of his neck.

The reaction is not long in coming. Years of frustration, anger and pain burst into an animal howl.  
Castiel violently pushes him away before punches him on the face. Tears a cry of pain out of both of them.  
The blows down and Benny doesn't fight back. He is just dodge some of the punch or adorn others. His fury blinds Castiel. He strikes, but all Benny sees are the tears running down his cheeks. This moment of inattention earns him a second punch on his nose that makes him stagger and fall on his buttocks.  
The trench coat catches the wind and Benny sees it melt on him. He doesn't have time to parry the blows. Castiel straddles him, hits and hits.  
"Shut... shut... shut up," Castiel repeats like an endless litany.  
Then he hangs his fist up, horrified by what he's just done.  
"Benny ? "  
"What are you waiting for... Go ahead,", Benny says. "Anyway, it's too late. ", grinning a sad smile.  
Castiel looks up. Several of the students stared at him, petrified by the spectacle. When Castiel meets the chief supervisor's eyes, Benny's words take on their full meaning.  
"It was the only way, buddy... I'm sorry," as Benny sat up.  
"But..." Castiel says petrified  
"Cass? "  
He turns around. Dean stands a few feet away from him with a confused look on his face, Lisa's hand in his.  
"Buddy ? " he repeats, in disbelief.

Castiel rises slowly. He puts his clothes back in order to try to regain his composure before leaning towards Benny, hand outstretched. The grip is painful on the injured phalanges, but all that matters to Castiel at this moment is the forgiveness that this gesture implies.

The supervisor's waiting for him. In a few minutes, he'll call his parents.  
.  
Castiel is 16 years old. His life has just been turned upside down.  
.

End of chapter IV


	5. High School: Junior year. 1/2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again thank you to be there  
> Thank you for your kudos and words

Almost two months since they haven't seen each other. Castiel disappeared within an hour of the end of the previous cycle and hasn't been heard from since. Nothing was the same after his fight with Benny.  
Castiel never went home with them after school again, his mother made sure that someone came to pick him up after school every single day.  
During breaks, Castiel must stay in his classroom to study his lessons. This was a requirement of Naomi's that the headteacher had complied with, as a fervent churchgoer and faithful parishioner of Pastor Novak's services.

Castiel never resented Benny and, surprisingly, since that day, they have grown considerably closer. Dean didn't like that. Meg didn't miss an opportunity to insinuate that he was just jealous, to which Dean replied, hurtfully, that he already had his unicorn, hugging Lisa against him.  
Meg rolled her eyes in exasperation. Lisa, his famous unicorn, was not stupid.

A huge black Sedan appeared. Dean moves away from the grid he leaned against.  
The back door opens on a Castiel with a face as austere as that of his mother. Dean's smile fades in a second.  
There's something different about his friend's attitude. An unnatural coldness and cold disdain in the way he hold his head.

"Hey Cass," Dean calls, walking towards him.  
"Hello, Dean," he answers with a cold voice.  
"I'm so glad you're back, man.", hugging him.  
Castiel doesn't respond to the hug.  
"Cass, you okay?", he askes backing away while holding his shoulders.  
"I'm fine, thanks," distant.  
"O... okay," as Dean releases his grip.  
The car still hasn't left.

Castiel steps aside, bypasses Dean and goes to the open gates of the school. Leaving Dean whitout loocking back. the Sedan starts up again.  
Dean feels a lump in his throat. He blamed himself to care so much about his friend's indifference. But that cold, lifeless boy who just confronted him is not his Castiel.  
He slaps himself in the face for having such thoughts.  
He's been slapping himself a lot in the last few weeks. Since the absence and silence of his friend, and the lack he felt, even when he was in Lisa's arms or lying under the hood of a car.

They share the same class this time. Dean gently dismissed the shy young boy who had the misfortune to sit on the bench to the left of Castiel. Castiel looks daggers at him before taking off his trench coat and putting it on his backpack.  
The day went by without a word being exchanged between the two friends. Dean tries to start the conversation several times, but Castiel simply answers in monosyllables, carefully avoiding his gaze, which Dean doesn't fail to note.

Castiel closes his locker and comes face to face with Dean, shoulder-to-shoulder with Dean's door.  
"Now you're gonna spit it out," Castiel's face closed as Dean stands up. "What happened during the summer holidays ? I don't know who you are anymore, man! ", Dean laments. " I did something wrong? Did I forget the date we first met? ", he tries to ironize.  
Dean sees the twitch on Castiel's lip at those simple words.  
"Talk to me.. tell me how I can help you. I'm your friend, man .. that's what friends are for. ", Dean says with a sweet smile.  
"There's nothing you can do, Dean. ", Castiel replies, impassive. "I've learned my lesson... I have to serve my family first... obey and honor them... they come first... they come before you."  
Castiel throws his backpack over his shoulder and buries his hands in his pockets.  
"On this... I'm expected. ",Castiel adds turning his back and walking away.

"Oh, shit! " Ash says stuned. "Where the hell is our Castiel? What the hell is this? ", standing to the right of Dean.  
"I don't know, but i'm going to find out.... I'd put my hand up and say it's because of his bitch of a mother. "  
"Dean... Blasphemy," Kevin rebukes, just joining them.  
"Fuck you and your bigot bullshit... i'm not in the mood. ", Dean is furious.  
"They must have found a way to make him bend. ", Benny continued, sadly. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all," he says, staring at Meg.  
"Can we know what kind of a lame idea you two are referring to? " Dean got angry, still staring at the direction Castiel has taken.  
"Nothing you're ready to hear," Benny answers. "But before you go shaking the basket, make sure you can live with the consequences."  
"Would you mind speaking in a language known to mortals, Benny ?" Dean replies, on edge.  
" Un jour, peut-être, mon ami. "  
"What are you gonna do?" Charlie asks, blowing on a lock of hair.

"He and I we're going to have a little talk, here's what's going to happen... There's no way that this... ", Dean stoppes to talk, biting his lip.  
"As you wish... ", Benny says, sounding the end of their little impromptu meeting.

End of the chapter


	6. High School: Junior year 2/2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you to be there
> 
> #thankyousupernatural

The next day, Dean decided to put his plan into action. He firmly holds Castiel at the end of the last class of the morning. When all the students are out, he gets up and double-closes the door.  
"We have a lot to talk about. " he requires.  
"We've already told each other everything. ", Castiel responds.  
"It can't end like this, Cass... Not after ten years... Best friend for life, remember? ", Dean's turning around and leaning against the door.  
"We were six, Dean. ", eyes down on the bench.  
"See," Dean points out. "That's the kind of thing I know you're not telling me the truth... Since you've been back, you've been avoiding looking me straight in the eye, why ? What the fuck happened? " Dean 's moving away from the entrance.  
"Nothing... I've just got my priorities straightened out, that's all."  
"Bullshit, Cass! ", rushing towards him. "AND LOOK AT ME WHEN I TALK TO YOU," forcing him to lift his head with one hand under his chin.  
"You don't understand. " Castiel whispers in a wavering voice.  
" Talk to me. "  
"NO,", pushing him away. "Leave me alone."  
"You can always run... And don't you dare run out of here before you spill the beans. ", he yells, holding him by his shirt sleeve.  
"Leave me alone," Castiel begs him, trying to get out of his grip.  
"You can't let them dictate your life, Cass! Damn it! ", letting go of his grip.  
"Coming from you, it's ironic," Castiel says, tired.  
"I may not have the perfect life, but at least I have one... ME," he says defensively.  
Castiel tensed up and closed his fists as he looked for his trench coat.  
"You're not alone... I'm here, Cass," he says in a soft and reassuring voice. "We're here,", pointing the door.  
"You're asking me to choose between my family and ... you? ", stumbling over the words.  
"I'm asking you to be the Cass I've always known... We've both been through a lot... We can get through the ones to come, together... like we always have. "

And for the first time since his return, Castiel is looking to Dean's eyes.  
He wants to believe in that promise. Believe that Dean will always be there for him.  
"I missed you, Cass," he smiles and Castiel in turn.

***

It's nearly 10:00 PM when the doorbell rings throughout the house, followed by gentle knocks on the door.  
Half slumped on his bed reading yet another comic book dedicated to Batman, Dean takes a curious look at his alarm clock.  
The doorbell rings again. The blows become more insistent.  
Dean hears his father grumbling coming out of the bathroom. He jumps out of bed to join him.  
Sam is already ready to open the door.  
"Sam ! ", John orders, intimidating him with his hand to move away.

John opens the door.

On the threshold of the house stands Naomi, crammed into her eternal black suit, the haughty port, two suitcases at her feet.  
John notes by the glow of the wall light that her eyes are reddened, but what makes him take a step back is Castiel's swollen face.

"Cass? "Dean becomes alarmed as he rushes towards him.  
His father's hand on his chest is holding him back.  
"I'm sorry to bother you at such a late hour, but this is a matter of extreme urgency," she says avoiding paying any attention to his son, who is shaking on his legs. "My husband and I can no longer tolerate his presence under our roof," with a tremolo in his voice. "As God is our witness, we have done everything in our power to heal him," with disgust in his voice. "The fact remains that he is still my son and that..." she mingles.  
"That's enough! ", John says, furious. "If you don't tell me what you're doing in front of my house in the next second, I'm calling the police. ", going from Castiel, getting paler and paler, to his mother with pinched lips.  
"He brought shame on our family. He'll never agree to testify against us. ", she answers, straightening his chin, scornful. "As I told you, he no longer belongs under our roof... ...but I'm quite resolute about letting my son wander all over Lawrence alone... ...my husband and I have a reputation to uphold and..."  
"Dean", the John cuts, dry.  
It doesn't take much for Dean to rush to his friend who seemed to be waiting only for that moment to let go. Dean grabs him by the shoulders while Sam holds him by the waist.  
John grabs the two suitcases, throws them inside.  
"Go to hell... You make me sick," he spits, slamming the door in her face.  
He perceives the thank you whispered between sobs. He wonders whether she is crying over her son or her famous reputation, which is in danger of being dented in the coming days.  
That's a promise !  
.  
"Pa," Dean panickes as Castiel has just collapsed.  
"Leave it to me, boys," as he lifts him into his arms. " Dean, call Dr. Mills,tell her it's an emergency. "  
"But...", looking to his friend's bleeding face.  
"Do what I told you," his father ordered him. "And you, Sammy, go ahead and get your brother's bed ready."  
The youngest boy climbes the flight of steps leading up to the first one.

Dean calls the doctor with tears in his eyes.  
.  
Bitch... Bitch... Bitch... Bitch... Bitch...  
.

end of chapter


	7. High School : Senior Years 1/2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again thank you for your words, your kudos and your bookmarks  
> The most beautiful of rewards

Castiel's been living with the Winchesters for almost a year. He shares Dean's room where John has installed a sofa bed given by Bobby and Ellen. He works in a library two afternoon a week and gives all his wages to John. John who didn't want it, but Castiel left him no choice. It was that or he left.  
In spite of his friends's insistence, Castiel always refused to press charges against his parents. He simply cut all ties with them.

It took several weeks for him to recover from his injuries, his father beat him violently. when his son confessed his homosexuality.  
Cracked ribs, split eyebrow, cut lip, black eye, bruises all over his body... Blows from belts and swifts, of which he still keeps scars with strange shapes.  
Sam claims it's a sign from God. The real one.  
Castiel that it was deliberate on his father's.  
The scares look like wings, Sam said when he found Castiel shirtless in the bathroom a few months later.

Everyone knows, but they all keep quiet. Castiel would like to shout it out, but he tells himself that if no one talks about it openly, it's because no one really wants to know.  
He's already lost his bloodline family. Castiel refuses to lose his adopted one because of his sexual orientation.

But he didn't need to come out in front of his friends. Benny took care of it for him by not letting Dean out of his sight.  
 _" Un jour, peut-être mon ami,"_  
Meg lightened the mood by suddenly collapsing, forehead on the dining room table, crying over her lost unicorn. Everyone had burst out laughing, but Lisa's laughter had frozen on her overly made-up lips.  
.

Dean and Castiel took the same classes for the last year.  
Dean applied to several junior colleges in Kansas. He wants to take up the family business and specialize in vintage cars, a more lucrative market, but above all a real challenge for him.  
When he received the first admission letter, his father offered him the keys to the Impala. It wasn't worth an i'm proud of you, but Dean was more than happy with it. Everything about the Winchesters is symbolic. He accepted the gift for what it was : an unsaid.  
  
Castiel, with his scholarship, applied to colleges and universities for degrees in languages and ancient literature. He doesn't yet know where all this will lead him, even though he is interested in several career opportunities.

It's the Easter holidays. Unlike other years, the Winchesters don't go to the Singers. John has decided to close the garage for a week to spend some time with his boys.  
Castiel's away for the first two days to met his brother, Gabriel back home for administrative purposes. Some formalities and Gabriel will return to the South of France, his new home.

Dean and Lisa have separated, much to John's dismay. He blames his son for not fighting for his couple. Dean said nothing. He is only 18 years old after all and all the future ahead. He's too young to settle down. He's got too much to live to be stuck in a relationship that wasn't working out for him anymore.  
John takes advantage of Jo's presence, back from Texas where she's studying, to invite her to dinner. Dean has never looked at Jo otherwise than as a little sister, and seeing his father playing matchmaker since his break-up with Lisa makes him more and more uncomfortable.  
Even the poor Charlie got it. She was quick to do thing right with her legendary honesty.  
"I don't want to disappoint you, Mr. Winchester, but I prefer my lover with more breasts and fewer balls," as he swallows his slice of pie.  
John was speechless until she left.

Fortunately, Sam is there to divert all the talk that drifts into his brother's private life. An exchange of complicit glances seen by both John and Jo puts an end to their desperate attempts to grab the poor boy.  
.  
That evening, after an nth sermon of his father on his inability to commit, Dean locks himself in his room. Headphones on, Metallica screaming about his doubts...

Eventually the music died and he fell asleep. He's awakened by the screams coming from the kitchen. A new argument has just broken out between John and his younger son.  
Dean can not help but be proud of his "smaller not so small" brother.  
He has the courage, which Dean no longer has, to dare to rebel against John's dictates.  
By dint of seeking his father's attention, Dean has come to accept everything. Because his father stopped drinking for him. Because it was worth some concessions. Because he loved his father despite all his faults. Maybe too much.  
Only Sam isn't cut of the same cloth, and that pride that Dean so desperately seeks in his father's eyes, it's there, shining in his younger 's eyes when the two men confront each other.  
Dean takes off his headphone sand approaches the door just as the argument ends. He hears heavy footsteps on the stairs and Sam drops a thunderous "Jerk" as he slams the door to his room.  
John's jerks never comes.

The next day, Castiel is back.

End of the chapter


	8. High school : senior year  2/2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to be there
> 
> some angst in this chapter...Sorry but... not sorry

It is with a huge sigh of relief that Dean greets him, pushing Sam aside. He hugs his friend. Castiel laughing softly.  
"Those were the two longest damn days of my short life, man," as he stepped aside to face him.  
"Hello, Dean," with that smile that lights up his life.  
"Come on! We've got a lot to talk about," Dean says pulling Castiel upstairs.  
Sam turns around to face his father, standing in the kitchen doorway, before dumping him to go to his own room.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Castiel speaks about his WE. He and his brother talked a lot. Castiel is been talking about his life since he was evicted from the family home and Gabriel about his plans for a restaurant in partnership with a young Indian girl he met on the Promenade des Anglais. Her name is Khali and Gabriel plans to introduce her to Castiel on his next trip.

Dean explains his father's unfortunate mating attempts. Castiel's laughter turns his guts upside down. Castiel calms down, his eyes catch Dean's.  
"I'm gay, Dean... I know it's not really a secret anymore, even though we've never really talked about it, but I wanted you to know. "  
"Okay," Dean answers after a moment of surprise. "I'm okay with that. ", with a sweet smile.  
"I'm in love with you. ", Castiel adds without taking his eyes off him.  
"Wow," Dean says rubbing his neck, embarrassed. " At least, it's clear ", with an embarrassed laugh.  
"I think I've been since the day i.. ", Castiel goes on.  
"We'll stop here, okay... That's too.. ", Dean cuts it off as he gets up.  
"Too what?", Castiel askes, flat hands on his thighs.  
" Too weird... Dude, we're friends since kindergarten. "eyes wide open.  
" That day, when you told me not to let them dictate my life, I took your advice... I couldn't live in denial anymore. I've never been attracted to girls... I've only ever loved you."  
"Shut up," Dean mumbled backwards. "You're not allowed to throw stuff like that at me... You're not allowed," he says, crossing his hands on the back of his neck.  
"I've made my choice... I just wanted you to know... I understand if you want me to go ", Castiel answers sadly.  
"NO, NO," Dean replies immediately "I don't want you to go... just give me time to...", he's rubbing his face nervously. "Shit... you're in love with me?!", hesitating between laughing or giving a chance to this little voice whispering : "Why not? "

Castiel gets up and approaches him.  
"Dean? "  
And Dean, pressed against his bedside table, doesn't know what to say. He stares at Castiel, a little haggard, arms outstretched.  
"You can't do this," he whispers as Castiel steps forward.  
His breath caresses his lips. The little voice insists and Dean abdicates.

Castiel's lips are soft on his own. His gestures are cautious, as if Dean was too precious and fragile and could break at this simple touch.  
The kiss is chaste, and yet Dean's heart goes a mile a minute and he has his fucking butterfly in his tummy.  
He smiles like an idiot and Castiel takes that as an invitation. He grabs Dean's hands and deepens the kiss.  
Dean crushes his knuckles while playing with his tongue. It's everything Castiel ever dreamed of, It's everything Dean ever feared.

The door opens with a loud crash.  
John stands, pale as a corpse. There's disappointment in his eyes and maybe even a hint of disgust that makes Dean regret the most beautiful thing that has just happened to him.  
"Shit! " Deab says as he releases Castiel's hands and pushes him away from him.  
He wipes his mouth from the cuff of his shirt in a rage, and that gesture kills Castiel.  
"YOU... OUT! " John yells as he steps aside to let young Novak pass.  
John has to do it twice, as Castiel is still shocked by his friend's implicit rejection.

Castiel's standing in the middle of the living room when John comes down the stairs. Castiel doesn't know how long he's been there, he doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore.  
He knows Dean won't keep his promise.  
"I'll always be there for you"  
.  
"I just called Bobby," John begins, cold voice. "He'll be here in less than an hour. i want your bags packed and ready by then. I never want to see you in my home again and i forbid you to come near my son from now on. Do you understand me? " John spats in his face. "Do you understand me? " he repeats facing his silence.  
"Yes, sir," Castiel answers, straightening his chin, impassive.  
"I should never have welcomed you here... Your mother was right," he whistles.  
"PA'! ", Sam cuts him off, furious, standint in the landing.  
"I love your son, Mr. Winchester, and kicking me out of here won't change anything," Castiel's turning his head upstairs.  
Dean stands up straight with his hands grasping the railing. His face is stern and his eyes blank.  
He won't do anything to defend Castiel. Dean will always choose his family and his father over his own happiness.

Castiel chose him over everything, over his own family.  
Now there's nothing left...  
"Farewell, Dean," Castiel says with that smile he'll never have for him again.  
"Dean," Sam begs his brother. "You can't let this happen?! ", grabbing his arm.  
"Let me go," Dean rebuffs him in a col voice and putting him away.  
All this time, he can't take his eyes off Castiel. Icy green.  
"You have less than an hour. Don't be here when i get home... You might miss your father," John emphasizes with a hatred he didn't know he's capable.  
He grabbed his leather jacket and stormed out of the door.  
Castiel was startled before climbing the steps, one by one. Outside, the engine of the Sierra Grande GMC rumbles.  
Castiel passes between the two brothers and enters the elder brother's bedroom.  
Dean doesn't move, if he does, he knows his legs will give out.  
He sees the disappointment in his little brother's eyes. The hero just lost his pretty red cape, but Dean doesn't give a damn. John just lost his.  
Coward, screams the little voice with bitterness.

Time seems to stand still. Castiel doesn't come out of the room until Bobby's old truck honks its horn. Sam started crying. Dean remains unflappable.

"Goodbye, Sammy " Castiel says.  
There would be so much to say, but they don't talk emotion in the Winchester house, not more than they did in the Novak house. That's the hard lesson Castiel just learned.  
Sam's throwing himself into his arms.  
"I'm so sorry ", Sam cries on this shoulder.  
"Don't be... Don't ever change, Sam.. Never," Castiel says, dropping one of his bags to give him back his hug.  
A second honk of the horn separates them.

Castiel turns to face Dean.  
"Farewell, Dean," as he timidly reaches out his hand.  
"Farewell, Castiel," he answers in a hoarse voice, accepting the outstretched hand.

They part as they found each other...

When the door's closed, Dean lets out his rage. He crushes his fist on the wall before sliding slowly on the floor, unable to hold his grief.  
Sam joins him.  
That's how John finds them.  
This is how he just lost his sons.

End of chapter


	9. Junior college : Lower division

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your words and your kudos  
> you give life to my fic

Dean's 19. He's pursuing his dream, but he's already warned his father that he won't take over the family business. He's doing an internship at Frank Deveraux's garage. A lout, paranoid and moody man, but an _ace_ in his profession, and Dean would like to be part of his team when he finishes his studies.  
His internship reports are excellent and his teachers are full of praise for him.  
He continues to see the band, even though Ash is no longer there. He left Kansas for Arizona and the eyes of a beautiful Native American.  
They all meet once a week at the Road house, a bar run by Pamela Barnes. She's fallen under the spell of the young man's charm, but she knows that behind his easy-going air lies a wound that doesn't heal despite the weeks and months that pass.

Sam has left home. He skipped a grade, got a scholarship and a place in a prep' class at a big L.A. school. He wants to be a lawyer. Despite his younger brother's to let him alone, Dean encouraged him to pursue his dream. Sam had been waiting only for his approval, ignoring their father's since the day he threw Castiel out of the family house.  
No one is blind to Dean's plight, but no one knows how to fix what can't seem to be fixed.  
Dean drowns in his notebooks and his classes to forget this brother too far and erase those blue eyes that keep haunting him.  
He and his father hardly speak to each other anymore except to exchange commonplace things. Most of the time, they meet like two ghosts haunting the same walls.

John took a day. He's tired. Everything weighs on him and the memory of Castiel standing in the middle of the living room, begging for Dean's support kill him.  
He still believes it was the right thing to do. Dean seems to perk up again. Even though now none of his friends or conquests come here anymore.  
John refuses to accept that his son hasn't moved on. John refuses to admit that he was wrong.

He decides to tidy up the house to occupy his mind. He hasn't been in his oldest son's room since that fateful day.  
He hesitates to open it. He finds himself pathetic with his vacuum cleaner and his feather duster under his arm.  
The room smells musty. The bed is undone. On the desk, engine plans share the space with accounting courses.  
He smiles. He should show him how proud he is of him, but he doesn't know how to approach his son anymore. Dean slides like an eel.

He glances distractedly at the few pinned pictures on the wall. His buddies... his closed friends... Bobby and Ellen. Dean holding Sam's baby in his arms. Dean playing with Sam in the park. Dean sitting at a table with his little brother.  
John reaches out and slips his fingertips over the photos, memories of a past life. He lingers nostalgically on Mary's.  
" God, my love, what have I done? ", his voice breaks.  
On the picture, Mary with Sam in her arms, surrounded by Dean and Castiel laughing out loud.

He's falling down on the desk chair. All this waste for something as futile as fear.  
That fear to see his son being jugded and hunted like Castiel was. Pointing the finger at him like a pariah.  
He didn't want that for his son.  
He doesn't want a gay son, and he blames himself for having such nasty thoughts.  
Castiel is still one of the best things that ever happened to his son. If not the most beautiful.  
This kid who defied his own kind out of love for his son. That kid who was there when he, John, wasn't.

He gets up. What's the point of dwelling on the past...  
He's tidying up what can be tidied up, before he changes the sheets. He's getting ready to dust the bedside table when he stops.  
There's a picture of Castiel against the lamp base. It's crumpled, worn, the corners are damaged. It's like one of his photos that you carry around with you everywhere until it threatens to turn to dust.  
At the bottom of this one, Mary's silver ring. The one that John had given so awkwardly for Dean's last birthday. Damaged by a car fire in a tree.  
He pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs to chase the pain that compresses his chest.

"I beg your pardon."  
He doesn't know if he's talking to his son or to Castiel.  
Probably both.

End of chapter


	10. Junior college : Upper division 1/2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again thank you for reading my fic, for your kudos... to be there

Dean's about to turn 21. He has passed his Lower Division with distinction and for the past few months he has been in the home stretch.  
Sam's come home for the holidays. He's one head above Dean and he has trouble moving his beanpole, as if he's grown too fast in a body that's too small.  
  
Bobby and Ellen came over for New Year's Eve. Dean was dying to ask them about Castiel, but John's presence, and especially the fear of knowing that his friend had moved on, paralyzed him. He had been collecting dark-haired, blue-eyed conquests like hunting trophies for almost two years.  
He had his first homosexual experience which reinforced his idea that he is bi, as Benny had tried to make him understand for years.  
There were others, but no kiss exchanged ever tasted like the first one.

Bobby had joined him in the kitchen while Ellen held John in the living room.  
"How's he doing? ", Dean askes leaned over the sink so he didn't have to read into the old man's eyes.  
"He's fine," he answers with no real enthusiasm. "He's... he's very lonely... after all, his life was here... He's got a few friends, but nothing like your band... He's had a few boyfriends too, but they've all gone away. He's concentrating mainly on his studies... Ellen and I do what we can, but we're not... you," he shrugs his shoulders.  
"He must hate me for abandoning him when he sacrificed everything for... me," Dean mumbles, barely holding back his tears.  
"He doesn't hate you... he doesn't talk much, which makes you two have one thing in common, but he doesn't hate you, Dean," Bobby confirms. "I don't think that fool will ever stop loving you and I wonder why, when i see how little energy you put into trying to save what can be saved," this time is not being able to hide his anger.  
"Daddy..." Dean begins.  
"BALLS," Bobby cutts off, screaming. "Leave your dad out of this shit... we're talking about you and the balls you must have lost along the way, princess," , angrily.  
"Bobby," Dean begs him.  
"Nothing's changed," miffed "You wanted to know how he was, so you did... You can put your conscience back in your head and get on with your shitty little life. "  
"My conscience is bothering you", Dean replies turning around, furious, with tears in his eyes.  
"I'm doing it right," Bobby says in the same tone, throwing his cap on the floor. " Idjit.. you don't even know how lucky you are, even if it's standing in front of your stupid face."  
"Bobby," as the old man comes closer to give him a hug.  
"It's gonna be okay, kid... It's gonna be okay," patting Dean on the back like the father he's not.

Ellen exchanges a long glance with John, who turns away after a few seconds.  
"He'd rather suffer in silence than disappoint you. You don't deserve him, and I can't imagine what Mary would think of all this if she were still with us", she splits.  
"Don't bring her into this," John answers, tired.  
"You've got an apology to make, John," she continues as Sam stands silently.  
"I didn't do anything wrong... I was protecting my son," he defends himself.  
"From what?" she whistles. "From your homophobia? "  
"I'm not homophobic," he says, outraged. "I welcomed Castiel knowing he was gay. »  
"...and thinking your son was straight," she replied tacitly.  
The silence that followed spoke volumes.  
  
Bobby and Ellen left that night with no promise of return.  
The subject was never brought up again, but it survives on in every silence.

***

  
John was astonished to hear the voice of his eldest son. It echoes from the kitchen. At first, he thought he was talking to one of his classmates, but as he got closer, he noticed that his son was on the phone.  
"I wish you could have seen it, she's beautiful," Dean says in a cheerful tone.  
John amuses himself by thinking that his son is talking about one of his conquests and stands back, giving his son time to finish his call.  
"A beautiful mustang... Nooooo, you're crazy! " he cries with that smile in his voice that John thought was lost forever.  
"No car will ever dethrone Baby," he replies offended, "I wish you could see this beauty," in a sadder tone. "I wish you were here... I miss you... Yes, I know, but it's not the same... I... I can't, Cass, you know that," he whispers, sadly.  
  
John closes his eyes. Castiel... his son has reconnected with him... Damnit !

"I love you too... but... I don't have your courage... he's my dad, Cass."

John hears the tears in his kid's voice and it twists his heart. Out of habit, he spins his wedding ring. He's thinking about Mary.  
Mary whose father had driven her out of the house because she wanted to marry a penniless vet' of war.  
Mary who had sacrificed her family for him.

  
"I gotta hang up... Yeah... I promise... Me too... Say hi to Bobby and Ellen for me... Bye," Dean says, hastily hanging up.  
John just has time to sneak behind the bookcase like a thief as he watches his son pass by wiping his eyes with his palms...  
John doesn't come out of hiding until the bedroom door is closed.

End of chapter


	11. Junior college : Upper division 2/2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we are : the end of this story.  
> I would like to thank all the readers (in the shadow or the light) for taking the time to read my fic.  
> Thank you for your kudos, for your bookmarks and especially thank you for your words.
> 
> Love you

Dean's 21. He doesn't care. He hasn't had a birthday in 13 years and he's not getting any worse.  
He doesn't know how Frank found out, but when he arrives at the workshop this afternoon in January, the man is waiting for him with an apple pie in the middle of the table.  
"Frank? "  
"Eat... I'll give you thirty minutes, then I'll show you how to recognize a real beauty from a crappy copy," as Frank stood up and locked himself in his office.  
Dean hears his fellow colleagues laughing behind his back.

  
His band doesn't care that Dean doesn't want to celebrate his birthday. They made him promise to be at the Roadhouse at 8 p.m.  
It's not every day you turn 21.  
  
Dean is surprised to see his father's pickup truck parked in the parking lot. He scowls. It's his safe place, and knowing his father, a notorious ex-alcoholic, hanging around doesn't please him.  
He hesitates to cross the bar's threshold. He refuses to relive those damn eight years.  
Laughter and shouts echo as the door opens on a couple leaving.  
Dean inspires deeply, dreading this January 24th.

He pushes the door and finds himself facing the same scene as that year. A donkey-shaped pinata hangs in the middle of the room. All the guests are dressed in jackets and hats, sweating under layers of clothes, but all smiling.  
His heart is aching.

Her father steps forward, the shouting and the "happy birthday" song stops immediately.  
  
"Happy birthday, son... Don't be mad at them," John says, pointing to the others. "This idea is my idea... not their."  
"Pa'', Dean babbles, lump in his throat-, his eyes catching his brother's, which has grown another one inch more, and it makes him laugh when he just wants to cry.  
"I'm sorry, son... for everything... for that birthday that ruined all the others ... for all the years I leaned on your shoulders as a child because I didn't have the courage to move on... for not knowing how to be the father i should have been to Sam and letting you carry the responsibility..."  
"Pa' " Dean cutts off.  
"Shut up," John stops him. "I owe you an apology... I was selfish and unworthy of the admiration I saw in your eyes... I never told you this, but I was proud of you then and I'm proud of you now. "...as John laid his hand on his cheek's son. "You have become a good man despite my mistakes, and that's only because of you...and thanks to them too", he adds, offering them a smile of gratitude to which they all respond. "Your mother would be so proud of you, son," he whispers with tears in his eyes. "And so mad at me, ", he inspires to give himself courage."I've denied the best part of you... I made you believe,i don't even know how, that you don't deserve to be happy... That only your brother and i mattered to you... And you sacrificed everything for us because of this stupid idea that only your family matters... An old man I know once told me that family is more than just blood. "  
"And that old man's fuck you," Bobby's echoes with his grumpy voice.  
Muffled laughter mingles with unelegant sniffles.  
"That old man was right," John approves with a sad grin. "Most of them have been living proof of that for more than a decade... I have some apologies to make to you, son, and to your brother... But more than that, I had some to make to _him_ ," John adds with a poor smile.  
It doesn't take much for Dean to fall apart.  
"Dad," he says lowering his head.  
"I went to Bobby's house... I made amends, son." John confesses.  
"Shut up, Pa'", Dean mumbles, trying to push his father away.  
"He accepted my apology after thanking me for opening my door the day his parents closed theirs on him... He's an amazing guy, Dean, and no words will ever excuse my attitude that day... It was petty, homophobic and disgusting... He didn't deserve that, you didn't deserve it... I'm sorry, son... I'm so sorry for all the hurt I did to you. "  
"Pa'", Dean hugs him.  
  
There's no applause or attempts to approach. Even the other customers don't dare to say a word in front of reconciliation scene

"I think it's time I gave up my place," John whispers in his son's ear.  
Dean doesn't dare to breathe. Do not dare to hope. Doesn't want to believe for fear of having in return nothing but disappointment. He keeps his eyes fixed on the old bar floor.  
  
Yet every word of his father's life was along those lines.  
  
Dean looks at the boots going away. They are soon replaced by two black polished shoes and the edge of a coat that he would recognize between a thousand.  
  
"Hello, Dean," says a trembling voice, full of emotion.  
"Hey, Cass," Dean says, insecure.  
A hand reaches out to him, entering his vision. He takes all his courage and raises his hand to hold it.  
"Best friend for life." Castiel says  
"Best friend for life," Dean repeats. "...and more, if you wish... "he adds, mockingly wiping his cheeks.

He raises his head.  
"I missed you so much, Dean," Castiel whispers with that smile he never had only for Dean.  
"I fucking missed you Cass," Dean takes Castiel's face in his hands and rushing to his lips to find the taste of their first kiss.  
  
Applause and shouts greet their reunion.

  
That kiss is a promise of many more to come.

The End.


End file.
